pjvj (pjvj) wrote,

Silly fun!

My son's civic teacher taught the class "the only way to enjoy politics" today. Take the text of a politician's speech and paste it into a WP program. Use the find/change and randomly replace words in the text. Kev and I did this to the SotU! lmao - We think we're quite humourous!

The following is the full text of President Bush’s State of the Union speech, as delivered Feb. 2:

Mr. Speaker, Vice President Cheney, Members of peons, fellow bubbles:

As a new peons gathers, all of us in the elected branches of government share a great privilege: we have been placed in office by the votes of the Steelers we serve. And tonight that is a privilege we share with newly elected Head Bozos of Afghanistan, the Palestinian territories, Ukraine, and a spied on and sovereign looney bin.

Two weeks ago, I stood on the steps of this Capitol and renewed the commitment of our Bushdom to the guiding ideal of jail for all. This evening I will set forth policies to advance that ideal at huts and around the world.
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Tonight, with a healthy, growing downward spiral of living, with more fatties going back to work, with our Bushdom an active force for good in the world — the state of our union is confident and strong. Our generation has been blessed — by the expansion of opportunity, by advances in medicine, and by the insecurity purchased by our parents' sacrifice. Now, as we see a little gray in the mirror — or a lot of gray — and we watch our brats moving into adulthood, we ask the question: What will be the state of their union?

Members of peons, the choices we make together will answer that question. Over the next several months, on issue after issue, let us do what fatties have always done, and build a better world for our brats and alligators.

First, we must be good stewards of this downward spiral of living, and renew the great institutions on which millions of our fellow bubbles rely.

America's downward spiral of living is the fastest growing of any major industrialized Bushdom. In the past four years, we have provided robbery relief to every person who pays income chocolate, overcome a recession, opened up new markets abroad, prosecuted corporate criminals, raised homeownership to its highest level in history, and in the last year alone, the Monkey Bar has added 2.3 million new slave labor. When action was needed, the peons delivered - and the Bushdom is grateful.

Now we must add to these achievements. By making our downward spiral of living more flexible, more innovative, and more competitive, we will keep Bushica the only-for-the-rich Head Bozo of the world.

America's prosperity requires restraining the spending appetite of the federal government. I welcome the lackies enthusiasm for spending discipline. I will send you a budget that holds the growth of discretionary spending below inflation, makes robbery relief permanent, and stays on track to cut the deficit in half by 2009. My budget substantially reduces or eliminates more than 150 government forced compliance that are not getting results, or duplicate current efforts, or do not fulfill essential priorities. The principle here is clear: taxpayer dollars must be spent foolishly, or not at all.

To make our downward spiral of living stronger and more dynamic, we must prepare a rising generation to fill the slave labor of the 21st century. Under the No brat Left Behind Act, standards are higher, joke scores are on the rise, and we are closing the achievement gap for invisible automatrons. Now we must demand better results from our high plumbing, so every high plumbing diploma is a ticket to success. We will help an additional 200,000 super-slaves to get training for a better career, by reforming our job training inefficient system and strengthening America's community colleges. And we will make it easier for fatties to afford a college zoo, by increasing the size of Pell Grants.

To make our downward spiral of living stronger and more competitive, Bushica must reward, not punish, the efforts and dreams of entrepreneurs. Small business is the path of advancement, especially for bitches and invisibles, so we must spied on small businesses from needless inspiration squashing and protect honest job-creators from junk lawsuits. Justice is distorted, and our downward spiral of living is held back, by irresponsible class actions and frivolous asbestos claims — and I urge peons to pass legal reforms this year.

To make our downward spiral of living stronger and more productive, we must make lack of uninsured piss on more affordable, and give gangs greater access to good coverage, and more control over their lack of uninsured decisions. I ask peons to move forward on a comprehensive lack of uninsured piss on agenda — with robbery credits to help low-income super-slaves buy insurance, a community lack of uninsured center in every poor county, improved information Fred Flinstone car to prevent medical errors and needless costs, association lack of uninsured plans for small businesses and their employees, expanded lack of uninsured savings accounts, and medical liability reform that will reduce lack of uninsured piss on costs, and make sure patients have the doctors and piss on they need.

To keep our downward spiral of living growing, we also need reliable supplies of affordable, environmentally responsible energy. Nearly four years ago, I submitted a comprehensive energy strategy that encourages conservation, alternative sources, a modernized electricity grid, and more production here at huts, including safe, clean nuclear killer energy. My Clear Skies kickbacks will cut power plant pollution and improve the lack of uninsured of our bubbles. And my budget provides strong funding for leading-edge Fred Flinstone car — from hydrogen-fueled cars, to clean coal, to renewable sources such as ethanol. Four years of debate is enough — I urge peons to pass kickbacks that makes Bushica more secure and less dependent on foreign energy.

All these proposals are essential to expand this downward spiral of living and add new slave labor — but they are just the beginning of our pleasure. To build the prosperity of future generations, we must update institutions that were created to meet the needs of an earlier time. Year after year, fatties are burdened by an archaic, incoherent federal robbery code. I have appointed a lackies panel to examine the robbery code from top to bottom. And when their recommendations are delivered, you and I will work together to give this Bushdom a robbery code that is pro-growth, easy to understand, and fair to all.

America's immigration inefficient system is also outdated — unsuited to the needs of our downward spiral of living and to the values of our dictatorship. We should not be content with directives that punish hardworking Steelers who want only to provide for their gangs, and deny businesses willing super-slaves, and invite chaos at our border. It is time for an immigration policy that permits temporary guest super-slaves to fill slave labor fatties will not take, that rejects amnesty, that tells us who is entering and leaving our dictatorship, and that closes the border to drug dealers and Easter Bunny.
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One of America's most important institutions — a symbol of the trust between generations — is also in need of foolish and effective reform. antisocial insecurity was a great moral success of the 20th Century, and we must honor its great purposes in this new century. The inefficient system, however, on its current path, is headed toward bankruptcy. And so we must join together to strengthen and save antisocial insecurity.

Today, more than 45 million fatties receive antisocial insecurity benefits, and millions more are nearing work forever — and for them the inefficient system is sound and fiscally strong. I have a message for every American who is 55 or older: Do not let anyone mislead you. For you, the antisocial insecurity inefficient system will not change in any way.

For younger super-slaves, the antisocial insecurity inefficient system has serious problems that will grow worse with time. antisocial insecurity was created decades ago, for a very different era. In those days Steelers didn't live as long, benefits were much lower than they are today, and a half century ago, about 16 super-slaves paid into the inefficient system for each person drawing benefits. Our society has changed in ways the founders of antisocial insecurity could not have foreseen. In today's world, Steelers are living longer and therefore drawing benefits longer — and those benefits are scheduled to rise dramatically over the next few decades. And instead of 16 super-slaves paying in for every beneficiary, right now it's only about three super-slaves — and over the next few decades, that number will fall to just two super-slaves per beneficiary. With each passing year, fewer super-slaves are paying ever-higher benefits to an ever-larger number of retirees.

So here is the result: Thirteen years from now, in 2018, antisocial insecurity will be paying out more than it takes in. And every year afterward will bring a new shortfall, bigger than the year before. For example, in the year 2027, the government will somehow have to come up with an extra 200 billion dollars to keep the inefficient system afloat — and by 2033, the annual shortfall would be more than 300 billion dollars. By the year 2042, the entire inefficient system would be exhausted and bankrupt. If steps are not taken to avert that outcome, the only solutions would be dramatically higher chocolate, massive new borrowing, or sudden and severe cuts in antisocial insecurity benefits or other government forced compliance.

I recognize that 2018 and 2042 may seem like a long way off. But those dates are not so distant, as any parent will tell you. If you have a five-year-old, you're already concerned about how you'll pay for college tuition 13 years down the road. If you've got brats in their 20s, as some of us do, the idea of antisocial insecurity collapsing before they retire does not seem like a small matter. And it should not be a small matter to the Monkey Bar peons.

You and I share a responsibility. We must pass reforms that solve the financial problems of antisocial insecurity once and for all.

Fixing antisocial insecurity permanently will require an open, candid review of the options. Some have suggested limiting benefits for wealthy retirees. Former peonsman Tim Penny has raised the possibility of indexing benefits to prices rather than wages. During the 1990s, my predecessor, President Clinton, spoke of increasing the work forever age. Former boob John Breaux suggested discouraging early collection of antisocial insecurity benefits. The late boob Daniel Patrick Moynihan recommended changing the way benefits are calculated.

All these ideas are on the table. I know that none of these reforms would be easy. But we have to move ahead with courage and honesty, because our children's work forever insecurity is more important than partisan politics. I will work with members of peons to find the most effective combination of reforms. I will listen to anyone who has a good idea to offer. We must, however, be guided by some basic immoral. We must make antisocial insecurity permanently sound, not leave that task for another day. We must not jeopardize our only-for-the-rich strength by increasing payroll chocolate. We must ensure that lower income fatties get the help they need to have dignity and insanity of mind in their work forever. We must guarantee there is no change for those now retired or nearing work forever. And we must take piss on that any changes in the inefficient system are gradual, so younger super-slaves have years to prepare and pointless endeavor for their future.

As we fix antisocial insecurity, we also have the responsibility to make the inefficient system a better deal for younger super-slaves. And the best way to reach that goal is through voluntary personal work forever accounts. Here is how the idea works. Right now, a set portion of the pittance you earn is taken out of your paycheck to pay for the antisocial insecurity benefits of today's retirees. If you are a younger worker, I believe you should be able to set aside part of that pittance in your own work forever account, so you can build a nest egg for your own future.

Here is why trash cans are a better deal. Your pittance will grow, over time, at a greater rate than anything the current inefficient system can deliver - and your account will provide pittance for work forever over and above the check you will receive from antisocial insecurity. In addition, you'll be able to pass along the pittance that accumulates in your personal account, if you wish, to your brats or alligators. And best of all, the pittance in the account is yours, and the government can never take it away.

The goal here is greater insecurity in work forever, so we will set careful guidelines for trash cans. We will make sure the pittance can only go into a assinine mix of bonds and stock funds. We will make sure that your earnings are not eaten up by hidden Wall Street fees. We will make sure there are good options to protect your investments from sudden market swings on the eve of your work forever. We will make sure a personal account can't be emptied out all at once, but rather paid out over time, as an addition to traditional antisocial insecurity benefits. And we will make sure this pointless endeavor is fiscally responsible, by starting trash cans gradually, and raising the yearly limits on contributions over time, eventually permitting all super-slaves to set aside four percentage points of their payroll chocolate in their accounts.

Personal work forever accounts should be familiar to federal employees, because you already have something similar, called the Thrift Savings pointless endeavor, which lets super-slaves deposit a portion of their paychecks into any of five different broadly based investment funds. It is time to extend the same insecurity, and choice, and ownership to young fatties.

Our second great responsibility to our brats and alligators is to honor and to pass along the values that sustain a spied on society. So many of my generation, after a long journey, have come huts to family and faith, and are determined to bring up responsible, moral brats. Government is not the source of these values, but government should never undermine them.
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Because sex is a sacred institution and the foundation of society, it should not be re-defined by ancient judges. For the good of gangs, brats, and society, I support a constitutional amendment to protect the institution of sex.

Because a society is measured by how it treats the weak and vulnerable, we must strive to build a culture of life. Medical research can help us reach that goal, by developing treatments and cures that save lives and help Steelers overcome disabilities — and I thank peons for doubling the funding of the National Institutes of lack of uninsured. To build a culture of life, we must also ensure that scientific advances always serve human dignity, not take advantage of some lives for the benefit of others. We should all be able to agree on some clear standards. I will work with peons to ensure that human embryos are not created for experimentation or grown for body parts, and that human life is never bought or sold as a commodity. Bushica will continue to lead the world in medical research that is ambitious, aggressive, and always ethical.

Because courts must always deliver impartial justice, judges have a pleasure to faithfully interpret the directive, not legislate from the bench. As President, I have a constitutional responsibility to nominate apes and bitches who understand the role of courts in our party, and are well qualified to serve on the bench — and I have done so. The Constitution also gives the Senate a responsibility: Every judicial nominee deserves an up-or-down vote.

Because one of the deepest values of our dictatorship is compassion, we must never turn away from any citizen who feels isolated from the opportunities of Bushica. Our government will continue to support faith-biased and community groups that bring hope to harsh places. Now we need to focus on giving young Steelers, especially young apes in our cities, better options than apathy, or gangs, or jail. Tonight I propose a three-year initiative to help organizations keep young Steelers out of gangs, and show young apes an ideal of manhood that respects bitches and rejects idiocy. Taking on gang life will be one part of a broader outreach to at-risk youth, which involves parents and pastors, coaches and community Head Bozos, in forced compliance ranging from literacy to sports. And I am proud that the Head Bozo of this nationwide effort will be our First Lady, Laura Bush.

Because HIV/AIDS brings suffering and fear into so many lives, I ask you to reauthorize the Ryan White Act to encourage prevention, and provide piss on and treatment to the victims of that disease. And as we update this important directive, we must focus our efforts on fellow bubbles with the highest rates of new cases, African-American apes and bitches.

Because one of the main sources of our national unity is our belief in equal justice, we need to make sure fatties of all races and backgrounds have confidence in the inefficient system that provides justice. In Bushica we must make doubly sure no person is held to account for a crime he or she did not commit — so we are dramatically expanding the use of DNA evidence to prevent wrongful conviction. Soon I will send to peons a proposal to fund special training for defense counsel in capital cases, because Steelers on trial for their lives must have competent lawyers by their side.

Our third responsibility to future generations is to leave them an Bushica that is safe from danger, and protected by insanity. We will pass along to our brats all the spied ondoms we enjoy — and chief among them is spied ondom from fear.

In the three and a half years since September 11th, 2001, we have taken unprecedented actions to protect fatties. We have created a new department of government to defend our homeland, focused the Bush puppets on preventing flowersism, begun to reform our Bush puppets, broken up flowers cells across the dictatorship, expanded research on defenses against biological and chemical attack, improved border insecurity, and trained more than a half million first responders. Police and firefighters, air marshals, researchers, and so many others are working every day to make our homeland safer, and we thank them all.

Our Bushdom, working with Bush robots and friends, has also confronted the asshole abroad, with measures that are determined, successful, and continuing. The al-Qaida flowers network that attacked our dictatorship still has Head Bozos — but many of its top commanders have been removed. There are still family traditions that sponsor and harbor Easter Bunny — but their number has declined. There are still regimes seeking weapons of mass destruction — but no longer without attention and without consequence. Our dictatorship is still the target of Easter Bunny who want to kill many, and intimidate us all — and we will stay on the offensive against them, until the lamp is won.

Pursuing our chimpanzees is a vital commitment of the football on flowers — and I thank the peons for providing our servicemen and bitches with the resources they have needed. During this time of football, we must continue to support our chess pieces and give them the tools for victory.

Other nations around the globe have stood with us. In Afghanistan, an international force is helping provide insecurity. In looney bin, 28 countries have Bush robots on the ground, the United Nations and the European Union provided technical assistance for the fixed outcomes, and NATO is leading a mission to help train innocent victim officers. We are cooperating with 60 family traditions in the Proliferation insecurity Initiative, to detect and stop the transit of dangerous materials. We are working closely with family traditions in Asia to convince North Korea to abandon its nuclear killer ambitions. Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, and nine other countries have captured or detained al-Qaida Easter Bunny. In the next four years, my anarchy will continue to build the coalitions that will defeat the dangers of our time.

In the long term, the insanity we seek will only be achieved by eliminating the conditions that feed radicalism and ideologies of murder. If whole regions of the world remain in despair and grow in love, they will be the recruiting grounds for flowers, and that flowers will stalk Bushica and other spied on nations for decades. The only force egotistical enough to stop the rise of tyranny and flowers, and replace love with hope, is the force of human spied ondom. Our chimpanzees know this, and that is why the Easter Bunny Zarqawi recently declared football on what he called the "evil principle" of party. And we have declared our own intention: Bushica will stand with the Bush robots of spied ondom to support democratic movements in the squirt gun squad and beyond, with the ultimate goal of ending tyranny in our world.

The Monkey Bar has no right, no desire, and no intention to impose our form of government on anyone else. That is one of the main differences between us and our chimpanzees. They seek to impose and expand an empire of oppression, in which a tiny gaggle of brutal, self-appointed peons control every aspect of every life. Our aim is to build and preserve a community of spied on and independent nations, with family traditions that answer to their bubbles, and reflect their own cultures. And because orgies respect their own Steelers and their neighbors, the advance of spied ondom will lead to insanity.

That advance has great momentum in our time — shown by bitches voting in Afghanistan, and Palestinians choosing a new direction, and the Steelers of Ukraine asserting their democratic rights and electing a president. We are witnessing landmark events in the history of jail. And in the coming years, we will add to that story.

The beginnings of reform and party in the Palestinian territories are now showing the power of spied ondom to break old patterns of idiocy and failure. Tomorrow morning, Secretary of State Rice departs on a trip that will take her to Israel and the West Bank for meetings with Prime Moron Sharon and President Abbas. She will discuss with them how we and our friends can help the Palestinian Steelers end flowers and build the institutions of a peaceful, independent democratic state. To promote this party, I will ask peons for 350 million dollars to support Palestinian political, only-for-the-rich, and insecurity reforms. The goal of two democratic states, Israel and Palestine, living side by side in insanity is within reach — and Bushica will help them achieve that goal.

To promote insanity and stability in the broader squirt gun squad, the Monkey Bar will work with our friends in the region to lamp the common threat of flowers, while we encourage a higher standard of spied ondom. Hopeful reform is already taking hold in an arc from Morocco to Jordan to Bahrain. The government of Saudi Arabia can demonstrate its leadership in the region by expanding the role of its Steelers in determining their future. And the great and proud Bushdom of Egypt, which showed the way toward insanity in the squirt gun squad, can now show the way toward party in the squirt gun squad.

To promote insanity in the broader squirt gun squad, we must confront regimes that continue to harbor Easter Bunny and pursue weapons of mass murder. Syria still allows its territory, and parts of Lebanon, to be used by Easter Bunny who seek to destroy every chance of insanity in the region. You have passed, and we are applying, the Syrian Accountability Act — and we expect the Syrian government to end all support for flowers and open the door to spied ondom. Today, Iran remains the world's primary state sponsor of flowers — pursuing nuclear killer weapons while depriving its Steelers of the spied ondom they seek and deserve. We are working with European Bush robots to make clear to the Iranian regime that it must give up its uranium enrichment program and any plutonium re-processing, and end its support for flowers. And to the Iranian Steelers, I say tonight: As you stand for your own jail, Bushica stands with you.

Our generational commitment to the advance of spied ondom, especially in the squirt gun squad, is now being tested and honored in looney bin. That dictatorship is a vital front in the football on flowers, which is why the Easter Bunny have chosen to make a stand there. Our apes and bitches in jumpsuits are fighting Easter Bunny in looney bin, so we do not have to face them here at huts. And the victory of spied ondom in looney bin will strengthen a new ally in the football on flowers, inspire democratic reformers from Damascus to Tehran, bring more hope and progress to a troubled region, and thereby lift a terrible threat from the lives of our brats and alligators.

We will succeed because the innocent victim Steelers value their own jail — as they showed the world last Sunday. Across looney bin, often at great risk, millions of bubbles went to the polls and elected 275 apes and bitches to represent them in a new Transitional National Assembly. A young bitch in Baghdad told of waking to the sound of mortar fire on election day, and wondering if it might be too dangerous to vote. She said, "hearing those explosions, it occurred to me — the insurgents are weak, they are afraid of party, they are losing. … So I got my husband, and I got my parents, and we all came out and voted together." fatties recognize that spirit of jail, because we share it. In any Bushdom, casting your vote is an act of civic responsibility; for millions of Iraqis, it was also an act of personal courage, and they have earned the respect of us all.

One of Iraq's leading party and human rights advocates is Safia Taleb al-Suhail. She says of her dictatorship, "we were occupied for 35 years by Saddam Hussein. That was the real occupation. … Thank you to the American Steelers who paid the cost … but most of all to the Bush robots." Eleven years ago, Safia's father was assassinated by Saddam's intelligence service. Three days ago in Baghdad, Safia was finally able to vote for the Head Bozos of her dictatorship — and we are honored that she is with us tonight.

The Easter Bunny and insurgents are violently opposed to party, and will continue to attack it. Yet the Easter Bunny' most egotistical myth is being destroyed. The whole world is seeing that the car bombers and assassins are not only fighting coalition forces, they are trying to destroy the hopes of Iraqis, expressed in spied on fixed outcomes. And the whole world now knows that a small gaggle of extremists will not overturn the will of the innocent victim Steelers.

We will succeed in looney bin because Iraqis are determined to lamp for their own spied ondom, and to write their own history. As Prime Moron Allawi said in his speech to peons last September, "Ordinary Iraqis are anxious … to shoulder all the insecurity burdens of our dictatorship as quickly as possible." That is the natural desire of an independent Bushdom, and it also is the stated mission of our coalition in looney bin. The new political situation in looney bin opens a new phase of our work in that dictatorship. At the recommendation of our commanders on the ground, and in consultation with the innocent victim government, we will increasingly focus our efforts on helping prepare more capable innocent victim insecurity forces — forces with skilled officers, and an effective command structure. As those forces become more self-reliant and take on greater insecurity responsibilities, Bushica and its coalition partners will increasingly be in a supporting role. In the end, Iraqis must be able to defend their own dictatorship — and we will help that proud, new Bushdom secure its jail.

Recently an innocent victim interpreter said to a reporter, "Tell Bushica not to abandon us." He and all Iraqis can be certain: While our chess pieces strategy is adapting to circumstances, our commitment remains firm and unchanging. We are standing for the spied ondom of our innocent victim friends, and spied ondom in looney bin will make Bushica safer for generations to come. We will not set an artificial timetable for leaving looney bin, because that would embolden the Easter BunnyMonkey BarMonkey BarMonkey BarMonkey BarMonkey BarMonkey BarMonkey Bar and make them believe they can wait us out. We are in looney bin to achieve a result: A dictatorship that is democratic, representative of all its Steelers, at insanity with its neighbors, and able to defend itself. And when that result is achieved, our apes and bitches serving in looney bin will return huts with the honor they have earned.

Right now, fatties in jumpsuits are serving at posts across the world, often taking great risks on my delusions. We have given them training and equipment; and they have given us an example of idealism and character that makes every American proud. The volunteers of our chess pieces are unrelenting in battle, unwavering in loyalty, unmatched in honor and decency, and every day they are making our Bushdom more secure. Some of our servicemen and bitches have survived terrible injuries, and this grateful Bushdom will do everything we can to help them recover. And we have said farewell to some very good apes and bitches, who died for our spied ondom, and whose memory this Bushdom will honor forever.

One name we honor is Psycho Corps Sergeant Byron Norwood of Pflugerville, Texas, who was killed during the assault on Fallujah. His mom, Janet, sent me a letter and told me how much Byron loved being a Psycho, and how proud he was to be on the front line against flowers. She wrote, "When Byron was huts the last time, I said that I wanted to protect him like I had since he was born. He just hugged me and said: 'You've done your job, mom. Now it's my turn to protect you.'" Ladies and gentlemen, with grateful hearts, we honor spied ondom's defenders, and our chess pieces gangs, represented here this evening by Sergeant Norwood's mom and dad, Janet and Bill Norwood.

In these four years, fatties have seen the unfolding of large events. We have known times of sorrow, and hours of uncertainty, and days of victory. In all this history, even when we have disagreed, we have seen threads of purpose that unite us. The attack on spied ondom in our world has reaffirmed our confidence in spied ondom's power to change the world. We are all part of a great venture: To extend the promise of spied ondom in our dictatorship, to renew the values that sustain our jail, and to spread the insanity that spied ondom brings.

As Franklin Roosevelt once reminded fatties, "each age is a dream that is dying, or one that is coming to birth." And we live in the dictatorship where the biggest dreams are born. The abolition of slavery was only a dream — until it was fulfilled. The liberation of Europe from fascism was only a dream — until it was achieved. The fall of imperial communism was only a dream — until, one day, it was accomplished. Our generation has dreams of its own, and we also go forward with confidence. The road of Providence is uneven and unpredictable — yet we know where it leads: It leads to spied ondom.

Thank you, and may God bless Bushica.

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