pjvj (pjvj) wrote,

When relied upon abilities fail the shock is intense

First, this event now has an opening because I double scheduled so if you are interested now is the time to register!

Orpheus and Eurydice: A long weekend exploring a haunting and timeless story

Join Expanding Inward as we delve into the hauntingly beautiful story of Orpheus and Eurydice. This residential weekend retreat will include evening rituals, large-group sessions and facilitated small-group discussions as we immerse ourselves in this myth in a community context. We'll explore the work through trance, storytelling and movement -- and, of course, music, rhythm, and song to honor Orpheus: the greatest musician who may never have lived.

I was the one who always remembered things. Even things for other people, not just my own stuff. I didn't need paper. I didn't need electronic calendars. I didn't need lists! For what? I wrote things on the paper calendar so other people knew my plans, not for me. Occasionally I put repeating events in my tech calendar, but not one time only events. And what I did ^^up there with double scheduling? Never used to happen. Ever. Not for something big like this. So when I finally decided to flip the paper calendar to March today, (yes, on the 4th, sometimes it takes a week or more because it is for other people) imagine how aghast I was to see something written in for the same time as the above event.

I'm not trying to make this all drama-filled and "woe is me" (though indeed woe is me), but I was stunned and embarrassed by something I now have to face. Which is with age (or whatever, but for ease I'm saying age) I am no longer "the person who remembers everything". 
On a list of things to be this hardly matters, right? People make lists. People use the tech they have available to help them remember. It's not a failing to use these helpers it is just I never needed to and was happy for that fact. I used to be the person that people told things to because it was assured I would remember them. I no longer can be that person. 

I've joked for about a year about how I must need to start writing things down because my memory seems to not be what it used to be, but I didn't actually believe it. I put it down to 'busy mind' or 'not being present'. I thought the small incidents were just hiccups and not what appears must be true: the hiccups are a base change in an ability, a new pattern when it comes to memory. So today I've gone through my emails and every event large or small has been loaded to my tech calendar which shares with Google calendar which shares with my phone calendar.

And now I completely understand why my mother bemoaned the loss of her memory even though up until her death she was still in most everyone's eyes "the one who remembered everything". (Yes, heredity.) And now I also feel a bit of an arse for poo-pooing her frustration at that change. How .... very humbling.

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