pjvj (pjvj) wrote,

Ok, here's my thing about stalkers and "nice guys"

There is a post going around Facebook from a woman clerk at Hot Topic who reamed a stranger in FB messages for harassment. Per male privilege people are taking up for the guy because he said he was "a nice guy" and name-calling the woman because when she reamed him she was not "nice" and repliers proceeded to tell her all the ways she "should have responded". For those interested here is the link.

If you think this is not about privilege, well, you are wrong. Tone policing the woman, believing that guy is a nice guy without proof, stating that women have an obligation to be nice to men like this, and telling her she should just take it as a compliment - that is obvious privilege. He went into the store, spotted a woman who he claims reminds him of 2 celebs and one fantasy figure, coerced an acquaintance to give up the woman's last name so he could FB message her after she didn't respond to him on the Hot Topic FB page. She minimally responds in the FB message panel and he shows up again in her store and still doesn't speak to her. Then he goes homes and sends a long message where he ends with I would worship you.

And the woman is getting blasted for not handling him in a nicer, more concise way (her ream was long). For not giving him a chance to leave her alone by telling him "nicely" she was not interested. Because it is all about him, his feelings, and his right to have a conversation exactly how he wants to with any woman who crosses his vision that he decides he'd like to "have a chance with".

The guy in the Fedora is a stalker. Plain and simple. From showing up in her store, to talking to a co-worker to get her name instead of asking her and risking her refusal, to not asking to connect on social media before just filling her inbox (10 messages to her 3 before she lost it). He is not a nice guy. 

And people are mad because she put the exchange on the internet. People are mad at the woman. What do they tell you to do when you have a stalker? Document! The Internet is forever. She can take the post down to appease the people that want to protect the stalker, but the Internet cached a copy for her, bless its wee webbed heart.

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