Today's gratitude: For surrender. The 3rd step in being free from codependency's tight little fists. I had great difficulty with the language in this step (surprise!) not as much from the meaning of it as the wording used in the particular text I am reading. It is written from a heavily Xian viewpoint. Mostly I can read right over the inherent privilege expressed in this manner and plop it into "author's life viewpoint" and move on. This text makes it difficult, partly I assume because of the way it triggers the nastier aspects of my early religious experiences in a sect that failed to track or discipline its supposed leaders who abused their power and position. Trust me on the fact that though the media likes to vilify the RC (with good reason) that establishment is not the only sect with these issues. They are just larger and more prolific.
Back to the point, damnit. One of my coveners reworded the surrender aspect in a manner that easily melded with my experience. It clicked intellectually, calmed emotionally, but didn't hit physically which is the measure of me integrating it spiritually. I use certain phrases a lot when explaining how a spiritual shift or a spiritual truth becomes Known to me on a deep level. Those phrases use words of physicality. For those who've felt similar there are nods of recognition and for those who haven't ... well, I suppose my descriptions get tossed into the 'witchy woo' pile.
So. The surrender necessary for this step to be mastered played around my temples and danced just beneath my skin in its truth for over a week. Today it settled in my spirit. Today, I felt it in my bones. It moved through my core, expanding as it did so. It opened me outward to the world, the Universe, the Eternal Web - freeing not only Itself, but also me. Amazing. I am grateful.
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