pjvj (pjvj) wrote,

The Annoying Optimist on your f'list

That would be me. Yes, really! Hard to tell, yes? If you know me, you know this to be true. Sometimes I forget that the people I converse with online do not all know me in the manner that others do. I forget that not all of you have been with me the entire last decade online, seeing the extremes. I forget that blog posts and Facebook are not like message boards where it is easy to return again and again to conversations. Where people often more easily show all their sides, like IRL.

I forget that some of you don't even know what IRC is (though I have some pretty geeky friends - many much geekier than I -  so I could be wrong), how it ran "under the web", and how deep connections could be formed there. Connections that drove one to other states to meet  people and to fly to small parts of the U.S., gathering with people you've only known online, without fear, as you trust that inner voice that formed an opinion in a fairly closed "community". I forget that all of you are not from back then, back there, knowing me in all my parts, so to speak.

This is where I hit my usual stream-of-consciousness rambly stuff. If this disturbs you, you should probably not only stop reading here, but stop reading me altogether. Probably the most significant thing many of you could have easily missed if you are fairly new to me is the hardcore fact that I am the annoying never ending optimist. I use the word annoying because I have been told it is such. Luckily, I do not care.

I know a decent number of hardcore pessimists. I find them equally annoying, but only when they try to pass themselves off as "realists" which they are not unless reality is only horrible things. Most of us fall on the spectrum and we shift left and right, but generally keep within some self-proscribed distance of our norm.

Optimist as I define it - not that "everything is bliss". Not "there are not horrid things in the world". But "glass is half full"? Absolutely. That is perspective, not belief. The glass is indeed half full, same as it is half empty. If I am thirsty and that glass holds water I want the half full portion, thank you very much. If it contains poison I will gladly be content with the empty half. If I cannot tell which it is I summon a taste tester. See? Optimist ≠ idiot.

When given a choice of perspective (and I believe I always have that choice even if I don't have full choice in the circumstances in which I find myself), I choose "half full" almost every single time. I can only guess I am somehow hard-wired this way. I guess this because of the things that I have managed to survive and still feel optimistic, still greet each day with the assumption that it will be a good one, still feel Joy.

As annoying as I can be I am not the one who will chuck you under the chin with a chipper "It could be worse!" when you complain. I do not look for ways to diminish people's pain by invalidating their "right" to have it. Their perspective may be wholly different from mine, but it is theirs to have regardless of how I feel about it. And so is mine.

Recently I have been blogging about some really significant changes. They can hit people hard and some hit so hard people need to turn away. I get this. They've hit me pretty hard, too. I am not hurt nor insulted when people who have responded no longer can. I write what I write because 1) it is in me and needs to be out and 2) because someone needs to, why not me? There are Spiral Rhythm lyrics that state it well: "Sing through my voice, Play through my hands, Let the way Be open" from _Let the Way_ words by Abbie Spinner. That right there.

Recent blogging is not the Whole of Who I am. Thank the Gods! Some of that drips in obvious misery. But I do not live there, in misery. I merely visit. Part of my optimist makeup is understanding a need to visit the horrid and an even stronger need to leave it. I possess an abiding belief that grand things may very well be right there around the corner, just out of sight. Bloody hell - I don't want to miss those grand things! Ok, yes, - sometimes it is like a four year old - "OOOoooo!! What's next!!" expecting candy. No, there is not always candy. Forward I go regardless confident in the knowledge that at some point there will be candy! Thus far my sweet tooth has received its due.

I have a thing I say. "I am fine. And I will always be fine." This is one of my Truths, though it often sounds the lie. "I am fine" uttered on its own most often is a social lie. The two sentences together are not because they speak of something different than social convention. They speak of a core belief. I believe that I am indeed fine overall and if I am suffering whatever at the moment that it is temporary. In the long haul I will be fine. I am convinced of it thoroughly. Nothing yet has been able to shake that conviction so I have no reason to think anything ever will.

There are a number of reasons I felt a need to say these things right now, too long to detail at the moment. Tie-ins to my religious path about change and the erroneous beliefs of outsiders and some newbies about what "She changes everything touches, and everything She touches changes" actually refers to. Tie-ins that would be long and if given only a quick read would appear counterproductive to the point of this post, so I will end here.

Because lyrics are my thing today these explain it well. Perhaps I should have simply posted this: We Are Light

So …. I am fine. And I will always be fine. And I believe the same about you, too, as annoying as that is. *smile*

Blessings on you, loves. May you always be Wrapped in Love.

This entry was originally posted at http://pj.dreamwidth.org/282622.html. Please comment here or there there using your LJ ID or OpenID.

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