The first time I went PT guy suggested starting the therapy the day of the assessment. Surprise! I normally like Surprises! But this was not one of them - ha! However, it was what I was there for. Duh. So down goes the heat pad for my back and I lie down and a small heat pad gets wrapped around my neck and velcro'ed into place. For those of you who know my history ... yeah.... o_O I feel the panic start to rise in me, but I am in public. Around strangers. Flat on my back. "Would you like the lights out?", I am asked. I managed to breathe out, "yes". Heart thumping, thinking the pain that brought me in really is not so bad. I can live with it. I plan my escape. "Absurd," I tell myself. So I open my throat and I breathe. And I know what to do, so I do it. Ground - roots and branches; center - dropping and pulling the energy, circling it in my belly; breathe - long in, short puffs out, long in, long out. Fifteen minutes later the door pushes open and I'm thinking, "Damn ... already?" Ha!
Of course, then there was another Surprise! In the manner of something referred to as "manual traction". Hands on neck? Bloody hell, Universe! How did I piss you off? I am sorry! Is there another penance I can do? Please?? And this occurred right after the heat, so you'd think I was at least in a decent place mentally and I suppose I was because I didn't clock PT guy. I decided instead to feel out his energy and I found it to be oddly safe, in a way that was almost surreal. "Absolute safety" resounded in my head as if spoken by another. You know how you feel Truth in your bones? Yes, that. Seeing as how there are so few places in my life where I feel such a level of safety, I decided to hang around .... surprise!
I admit I was puzzled. I returned a few days later. Same routine, heat (energy work), traction (safety), stretches and mild exercise (annoying, but effective.) So, I puzzled around some more, being the analytical creature that I am I must know why. I examined his energy. I felt a kind and generous spirit. He also has a certain quality about him that usually only comes from loving someone deeply. By the tenderness in his voice when he speaks of his wife and kids that love flow was obvious. But I've met people like this before - and they've needed to keep their distance still - or rather I've needed them to keep that distance. (Puzzler is sore.)
Within a couple of weeks certain circumstances and events came together that made obvious to me what Shadow Work was to be done in this dark year. Aaahhhhh ..... yes. This year, this Work, I had Need of a safe space, unencumbered by memories either old or not yet made, and there it was. I examined the energy more closely (because you know you can't just accept the good stuff unconditionally, right?). And, I recognized it. I knew it. I knew it as I know my own.
We find Kin in the most unexpected places sometimes. And we connect with them, always, even if they don't yet remember they are Kin. (And perhaps won't know in this life, who knows? Not our call.) We walk in Love. Some connect with the energy. We feel it. We wait. If they inquire we move forward with them, if not, we move forward without them. But we know them. We Know Them. We've known them before this life and we know them now and we will continue to know them after this life. For me, I open the door and then retreat. If you choose to cross the threshold, excellent. If not, we will meet again, because we are Kin. This? Makes me happy.
And as a need of mine was filled, I filled another. There is a woman at PT who has much pain after surgery. She is 81. She struggles with the pain, the strength of it etching in her face as she works the machines, occasionally giving voice to the intensity. We tend to turn away when we see a stranger wince in deep pain as if to save them the embarrassment of being noticed when really we are shielding ourselves from how uncomfortable their pain makes us. So, I turned toward her a week or so ago when I heard her. She spoke to me and I answered, brief conversation. This week she spoke again, asking me a question, wanting so much to engage. I felt her pull, her need. I stood beside her and let her talk. I stroked her (good) knee, I patted her arm. I promised I would see her today at PT. I made up one of my herb bags for her and took it with me today. As she strained through her ROM I took it to her and placed it in her hand. I explained what was in it and why it was there. Such a simple act, such a small gift. I had felt her need and I responded. And she was pleased beyond words.
We take, we give, we take, we give. We connect, we Love, we respond, we Live. Interdependent, thread to thread, life to life, soul to soul, It continues. As It should.
Good day. *smile*
And now - off to make cookies!
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