pjvj (pjvj) wrote,

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Procrastination - it is an art form

Interesting how many ways I can find to do it. I've discovered I've hordes of excuses dressed up as something else. In old TV shows someone would don a disguise and it would be simply a fake looking wig and mustache and I'd think, "Really?? You can no longer tell who that is?" I look around my life and see the same cheap disguises sloppily dropped over Things I Should Be Doing™.

A blonde wig dumped on "don't have enough time blocked out for that so no point in starting". A brown mustache pasted crookedly on "don't have the perfect moment". Endless cheap costumes that somehow "fooled" me enough to keep me still. I guess when you really want to be fooled ....

When you add in my innate rebellion to being told what to do (even when I am the one doing the telling) parts of my life become counterproductive to my goals. I have examined my goals and Yes! They are truly the goals I desire. I work on that inner rebellion, reminding myself that when I want it, too, it is not "being told" to do, it is guidance on my path.

So I have begun the pulling off of wigs and the quick pain of ripping off glued on mustaches. It is hard. And some of them actually hurt.

I break down the "not enough time" into "a little is better than none" and try to convince myself that this is true. I try to remain mindful there is no perfect moment if I look for one, but that it arrives with the doing. And it is so difficult, this shedding of a ground-in habits.

Today begins a new month. A new opportunity for change. I know myself ~ it will not be grand scale earth shattering reversal because if I try that it will end end a huge pile of false tresses and facial hair. I will continue chipping away at habits in tiny bits that keep me progressing. Plucking away at the small in a way that forward movement is only recognizable in retrospect. That will have to be enough for me as the big quick change attempts only make me stagnant.

Patience with self, patience with Self, Patience with Self. Maybe that should be my mantra.

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