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If you'd wished "Happy Holidays" to the conservative irate Christian I had the misfortune to run across in K-Mart last night you would have been subject to a diatribe at full voice while she followed you.

She believes there is a War on Christmas™ and that They™ are responsible for it. She did the complete skit - non-believers were going to hell, ruining the country, get every other day of the year to oppress Christians so just leave them alone on Dec 25, ONE DAY! ALL XIANS WANT IS ONE DAY!!!1111!!1!!!!11 It was sad and funny, and ultimately scary the anger with which she spoke.

The catalyst? She went to buy greeting cards and some said "Seasons Greetings" and "Happy Holidays" and she was LIVID. I had just been in the boxed card section before her and 95% were Xmas or Xian specific, but I found some "magic of the season" ones down low. So ... I know she was full of shit.

She turned a corner with her cart and lit in to the first customer she saw. The poor guy didn't how to react. She ended her tirade with a loud pointed "Merry Christmas!" and just stared at the guy until he said it back. LOL She pushed her cart away, smiling that she'd found (she thought) a fellow hater. As I swept past the gentleman I said in stage voice, "Well, THERE'S the Xian spirit!" and kept going.

Within 2 minutes I was in another part of the store and as bad luck would have it, here she comes. A store employee came upon her first and she started the whole thing again, demanding to know, "Why is there nothing Xmas in this store??" [cards, paper, nativity scenes were all about the section she had just come from]. The employees stammered, then left. I kept going.

I was wondering if she'd get around to me so I could have the pleasure of warning her not to get too close since I was one of those evil hellbound heathens and my sins may rub off if she got within 5 feet of me. I really really wanted to rub her arm and yell, "Heathen Cootie!!"

She ended up 2 behind me in the checkout line. The person between us? The poor guy she'd verbally assaulted earlier. She started to say again about her disdain for others and he put a slight smile smile on his face and firmly turned his back to her. He stayed that way and she shut the fuck up. I feel for the checkout guy, even those he was very slow and made a bunch of stupid annoying jokes while he slowly rang me up.

I was really shocked that there are real people out there like that and not just imaginary fans of Bill O'Reilly. I thought a lot of it was just talk show hype. *shudder* And she looked normal. Not unkempt like the crazy person she obviously was. Scary shit.


( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 19th, 2008 07:54 am (UTC)
Good thing I wasn't there. I'd have started with "Oh, you think because less than every card says "Merry Christmas" and because the holiday traditions of others are somewhat acknowledged as well, it means there is a war on Christmas?" Then I would have politely offered, just for comparison purposes to show her what a real war on Christmas would look like...beginning with a discussion of Mary. Yeah...she would have looked more unkempt when I finished. I have a zero tolerance policy for stupid.
Dec. 19th, 2008 01:11 pm (UTC)
Not me, man. I'd worked until close and been shopping for an hour and a half and this was my second to last stop with my arms loaded. I just was willing to scare her with my heathenness. I have no desire to waste my breath on the likes of her. :P~
Dec. 19th, 2008 03:27 pm (UTC)
You know me, stupidly combative to the point of retardedness in some respects. That kind of obnoxious viral idiocy just lights my fuse.
Dec. 20th, 2008 02:22 am (UTC)
LOL! Naw, just different styles we have. ;-)
Dec. 19th, 2008 12:55 pm (UTC)
There IS a war on xmas, and I'm in the front lines.

Unfortunately, I am a very small army.
Dec. 19th, 2008 01:12 pm (UTC)
Your icon rocks! Good luck with that war - it hasn't caused many casualties that I can see, other than ripping loose the already tenuous sanity of some folk.
Dec. 19th, 2008 01:50 pm (UTC)
I will consider stores not being allowed to play xmas music until Black Friday a major victory. (If we can confine it to the week of xmas, I will have won the war.) I've given up any hope of getting them to not put up decorations before August.
Dec. 19th, 2008 02:00 pm (UTC)
I'll give them 2 weeks before xmas, but Black Friday would be a good start. Merchandise whenever they choose, but stores decorations?? December 1st at the earliest!
Dec. 19th, 2008 01:05 pm (UTC)
**sighs** I actually loved the "Heathen cootie" part....
Dec. 19th, 2008 01:14 pm (UTC)

I should have gotten up close and looked at her eyes. I bet they were glassy.
Dec. 19th, 2008 01:55 pm (UTC)
Ugh. I've managed to elude the experience of any hostile shoppers (so far) this season. (Although in their stead, I am dealing with drunken floozies hitting on my dad.)

Your story both amused and tweaked me. Some people's kids. Zheesh.

::shakes head::

Yay to the guy who put his back to her. That is some of the most powerful magic going sometimes. When one is ignored and/or forgotten, they cease to be.

Bless you my sister. I'll be there on Sunday!!
Dec. 19th, 2008 02:10 pm (UTC)
Poor you and your dad!

She was scary, pushing her cart around telling off anyone not rude enough to keep going. Usually I just hear grumblings from some customers about the "Happy Holidays". Sheesh.

I'll be there Sunday, too.
Dec. 19th, 2008 11:40 pm (UTC)
>> I really really wanted to rub her arm and yell, "Heathen Cootie!!"<<

That was frickin' hilarious. Hell, it was even worth the pain that came along with the Diet Coke that shot out of my nose. LOL
Dec. 20th, 2008 02:38 am (UTC)
LOL *apologizes to your nose*
Dec. 20th, 2008 04:27 am (UTC)
See, this why I am a Bad Christian™. I would have walked with her back to the cards, find the most Christiany, and say, "Don't they just fill you with the peace of the Lord?"

It's my passive bitchiness. Sometimes it's more bitchy, sometimes it's killing them with kindness.

Dec. 20th, 2008 04:42 am (UTC)
LOL. I was tired. I worked until close and was kept a 1/2 hour past closing by customers. I just wanted to go home and I hadn't stopped at Toys-R-Us yet for a game! I just wanted to shout, "Liar!", but I really didn't have the energy or desire for the follow through. See? I am a bad heathen, too!
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )