February 11th, 2011


There is a post titled "Two Things". This is not it.

There are Two Things that are remnants from the childhood sexual abuse that are apparently never going to go away. Part of my current Work will be to find a way to accept them and live with them rather than be in constant battle with them that leaves me exhausted and unchanged. That will be a Good Thing one would suppose, though I have my doubts.

However, that post will have to wait because it is still fermenting in the back of my mind and wishes not to be written just yet. Some other interesting things have come up in the meantime. One is that those who know virtually no details of the abuse have often read my last couple of months of posts with confusion unless they've experienced similar. Or they start to read and think, "OMGS! More of that Witchy woo-woo religious stuff I do not understand!" ~scroll~

Some of that is I tried to speak to issues that our society has not given me proper words for and really has no desire to supply the words and easily understandable phrases to describe. Things that are hard to talk about are purposely made so by the overarching influence of "how our society is" and "how our society speaks". This was clearly brought to my attention by a post by Elf about ebooks. Odd, but true.

Part of that was a reticence about details so my story would not interfere with a reader's ability to identify with the emotional side if they needed to. Part of it was privacy issues. And finally, I was chronicling things as they occurred and the order in which they occurred was not chronological to how the incidents happened in my childhood years.

The two people who've most closely traveled through this past dark part of the year with me (covenmates) and witnessed my Shadow Work (as I have witnessed theirs) most likely understood my posts the best. Other readers had a far range in understanding from "most" to "very little" to "WTF?!" This was brought to my attention when I sat with my daughter the other night and we began discussing these things and she (whom I thought would be in the "most" category) informed me she was mostly in the "WTF?!" category. That may even have been her exact phrasing. :P~

So, not sure when the "Two Things" post will appear, but it will. It may lead off the next series of posts, or be dumped in the middle, or it may carry the end of it, but I plan to do a series of posts that will (I am hoping) more coherently chronicle the past few months, how the nature of the shadow work to be done revealed itself to me, the helpful *cough* steps along the way and where it ended (though it is not ended, damnit!). A lot of these posts will contain things already written about previously. I expect them to be laid out in a more sane manner with the perspective that "time passed" gives and less raw emotion vomiting over them obscuring their true nature. Or something.

I imagine they will be lengthy posts. I will cut them for the sake of the friends' page here on the blogs. If I am unclear, out-of-order, or even merely appear to be - feel free to ask for clarification along the way. I know how my mind works and it is a messy thing indeed. I cannot expect everyone to easily follow the crooked path and many tangents. :-)

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Stupid car. I broke it. ~sigh~

More accurately - stupid car brain, I think I made part of it explode. ~double sigh~ The part that controls the lock/unlock mechanism in the doors. Fried it with a mere touch. Or, a *touctouchtouchtouch not-paying-attention touchtouchtouch*. Some programmable thing that you hold the button for 8 seconds or so, even if done accidentally while distracted, except the way to UNprogram it does not work. The wee remote lock/unolck works. Sorta. Apparently I touched that, too.

Tuesday, sitting in my car on the street at the grandboy's house I was fiddling with items to gather to take inside and my finger was pressed on the door unlock button. It made some silly beeps which drew my attention, I let go of it - and it has not worked since. I blame Tuesday. That was the day the grandboy was sick and I hauled him to the pediatrician. The day that going forward will be known as Puberty Pamphlet Day aka PPD - and you Pagans on my list better get that joke!

My habit prior to exiting the car is to toss my keys in my purse. It is a very ingrained habit that keeps me from locking my keys in the car. There were many instances of entering and leaving my car on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and today. Awe. Some. I still retain my habit of tossing my keys in my purse before exiting the vehicle, but I've added another fun task of cussing and then digging through my purse so I can lock the damn car since the door button no longer works. *is filled with glee*

An added fun factor was Wednesday night it was bitterly cold and when those temps were added to the car's brain on top of the insanity I had caused in it the locks kept going up and down and up and down and up and down for most of the ride home from work. That at least made me laugh - long and hard.

Tonight after work the locks immediately relocked after I unlocked them. Over and again. The key (which of course should work) was being overridden by the car brain misfires in whatever Gods awful computer program Chevy opted for in their Malibu. Or maybe none of this is my fault. Maybe I can blame Penda for coercing me to download that Ghost Radar app and maybe the ghosts know they are being tracked and for revenge are living in the soul of my car! That's it! Mwahahaha. ~passes blame without shame~

Perhaps tomorrow I should find the diagram for the fuses in the car, disconnect the door lock one and then reconnect it to see it if works like a mini-reboot with a computer or cell phone. Otherwise it is a trip to the dealer for a hook-up to one of those machines that look for glitches in auto computer programs and rarely find the problem. Then the mechanic simply disconnects the battery (which is truly like a reboot), then reconnects the battery which sets it back to factory standard. They enter a code so it doesn't look like you illegally reset your odometer and hold out their hand for a minimum of $100. ~triple sigh~

Sorry car. I really didn't mean to break you. Can't you just heal yourself? What kind of Witch Ride are you anyway? Not a broom I can tell you that. :P~

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