January 29th, 2011


For all the swirling analytical thinky thoughts that I process every day I can be so damn obtuse

At least when it comes to me. I suppose that is not such a foreign thing to anyone. Outsider's advantage, objective viewpoint, different filters see different facets ~ fairly common across the human experience which is why we bounce ideas off of friends and loved ones. Feedback. It is lovely. I am Blessed to have thoughtful loving people not only in my RL, but also in my online life. People who love deeply while being willing to speak Truth, even if it is uncomfortable. Uncomfortable for them and/or uncomfortable for me.

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Now that I have dispensed with the background ......

A string of comments relating to my last blog entry (which is the note before this one on FB) of course end up being ..... let us speak it together: "all related to the Work!" They went like this:

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You would think after all this time and the familiarity I have with various tapes that used to play in the back of my head, tapes that I have cut to ribbons over the years, one would think I would recognize an old tape even if the words were slightly altered. If one thought that - well, one would be wrong.

We all have those tapes, in one form or another, planted by well meaning (or sometimes not) parents, teachers, friends, co-workers running around in our past if not in our present heads. The tapes have different words: "You are not ... good enough, smart enough, tall enough, muscular enough, coordinated enough, pretty enough, social enough, quiet enough, rich enough, thin enough" which all boils down to "You are Not! worthy."

We grow, we learn, we now know the tapes are lies so we stomp them, erase them, snip them to pieces, incinerate them and bury them. We are Done with them! And then ..... we find some SOB has secretly copied one or two of them and slipped them back into the dark crevice of our deep mind patiently waiting for Life to hit the "play" button. Sometimes we don't even recognize it when we hear it as it has been so long. Thank Gods for our friends who recognize the tune and point and say, "Listen! Is that you?"

"Aahhhh yes ... I remember that now. I have heard it before."  No matter - we still have our stomping shoes, big pink eraser, scissors, matches and shovel! The task is easier having had practice and we set to work again.

Thank Gods for friends who are honest and wise and willing to speak their truth.

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I refuse to wear shoes

Winter annoys me. I am fairly certain I annoy Winter, too. We are not friends. We are not even cordial acquaintances. We sometimes, barely, nod at each in passing while breathing hate in each other's direction hoping for a quick demise. Thus far every season Winter has won, but so have I because I Am Still Here, Damnit!

Today I was Done with Winter. I had had it up to here. See my hand up under my chin? Yes! To there! So today I refused to wear shoes. No biggie in the house. I hate shoes. Shoes are foot torture and if I must wear the damn things outside of the house I opt for BOOTS whenever possible. Seeing as how this is Pittsburgh I can get near NINE months out my many pairs of boots. 

I did not need to go anywhere today so I did not. Except to put the dog out a gazillion times. Bagel sized dogs have thimble sized bladders on the days it will Most Annoy Me. (Chiska aka Rebecca nicknamed her the "dog the size of a bagel" because she is a Yorkie. I and my family found this to be hilarious and have thus dubbed her "bagel dog".) Other days the bagel dog can be content inside for 6 or 8 hours with no potty time. Not so today. I confused her today with my no shoes thing. Each time we went to the front door she stopped short, looked at me then my feet then my shoes then back up to me. For a critter insisting on going out a gazillion times I would have thought she'd have figured it out. Nope. Even this last gazillionth time she stopped short and stared like I am nuts.

Perhaps I am. There is snow out there. It is a bit nippy. But Today I refuse to wear shoes, damnit! Where the bloody hell is Spring?

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