January 22nd, 2011

morning4

She blogs! About longevity in relationships? WTH?!

I've been thinking a lot recently of relationships (ok, always if you want to pull it outward to include all of our relationships to all things, but I digress). I have recently been thinking particularly of the longevity of them. This will ramble. Pretend to be shocked by this.

I don't think I have the time in this post to move it outward to connections across lifetimes that involve soul mates/friends, but perhaps another post on another day. For now I'm focusing on the ones we have in our mundane day-to-day very human lives.

I have been married for 20 years which is not all that long in the grand scheme of things and yet because of the misleading way divorce stats are compiled people tend to "ooh" and "ahh" over those 20 years. (Anyone else remember when it was 50 years that got that reaction and often it was based on living that long over simply staying with the same person that long?) And I get extra fun because most people can do simple math and often the follow-up questions go like this:

How long have you been married? xx years
Do you have kids? Yes
Ahhh, how old? X (greater than married years), X (greater than married years), and X (less than married years).

This invariably gets one of two responses. Either a couple beats of silence (some people are a bit slower at math than others) and a bland canned response or an arched eyebrow after the pause and the inevitable, "Were you married before?" The second response occurs less as society changes and older folk generally are the culprits these days. When I'm feeling kind I simply reply, "yes." When I'm feeling ornery I answer in one of a variety of ways that is meant to kill the conversation immediately. And none of the answers I choose gives them the knowledge that they are seeking. This pleases me. You get that knowledge when I feel I can trust you with that knowledge. Strangers, mild acquaintances and customers - bah! No full truth for you!

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Am considering printing this off and carrying a copy with me. It surprises me how often I am asked about this. I suppose handing over a sheet of paper would be considered rude, though. ~le sigh~

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