pjvj (pjvj) wrote,
pjvj
pjvj

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Checking in

I am okay. Getting there. There are still many tasks to be completed for my mother's estate so my days are busy, plus it is the holidays. When all the details are done, and there is nothing left to do I fear the crash of grief will descend again. This past Monday was the first day I laughed heartily again for the first time. I hadn't noticed that I wasn't laughing until I did it. I am so tired of telling people that my mum has died - utilities, retirement pension, credit card company, banks, the newspaper delivery, etc.

Someone picked her mailbox (we believe) on the last day of her viewing or the day of her funeral. A new credit card was sent to her and was used after she died. It was identifiable by the last 2 digits as the one they sent out mid-to-end of November. It was a local store credit card which apparently does not require authorization to use. So I've been trying to get that straightened out. Called them and sent a copy of the death certificate, checked her credit report and no others were used. One more thing on top of the rest. Bastards who read the death notices just for checking the family house!

And then on top of it, she is receiving holiday cards from her out-of-town friends who do not know and they little notes in them about how they hope this year was better than last (last year her grandson/my nephew died). I wrote notes back to those people, and I hurt for the way they will feel when they get the note.

For some reason my grandson thinks the holidays should continue on as usual so I'm having family over for dinner on the weekend. I'm sure it will be bitter sweet, but better than my original plan of staying in bed with the covers pulled over my head. (Though honestly that still feels like a viable plan.)

To everyone my f-list, Happy Yule and Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah and Blessed Hajj, may whichever you celebrate be bright and meaningful.
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