| |
| I had two, yes TWO, grand ideas in the last 2 days. (I am chock full of grand ideas. It is the follow through that I suck at.) However these 2 ideas were followed through on. Neither were successful for differing reasons and one was much more feasible than the other. Not all good ideas are feasible, this I learned a long time ago. Lack of feasibility often doesn't show itself until the trying out phase. Oh well, what else have I to do with my time? Clean? *chortle* Today's grand idea was to take one third of two of the clumps of tropical grasses up near the street and add them to the struggling third one so they looked similar and would continue growing relatively the same. The poor wee one on the left is about 3" tall compared to its brother and sister who are 18" and 24" tall. All were planted at the same time. The landscaper said if the sickly looking one didn't survive to call him this year and he'd replace it. Okay .... that's one option. It is 3" tall. It did survive. It seems only fair it continue to be given a chance to catch up with the others. TodayThe Mate called it, "The Charlie Brown one," and that is exactly what it is. Its tiny self should not be dug up and unceremoniously tossed over the hill for a replacement one when it is trying so hard to grow. Yes, this is the level of my insanity. The tropical grasses - they are like the most close-knit family you have ever met. They would prefer to DIE over being separated. I could have dug them completely up and untangled their roots, but that seemed excessive even by my standards. I tried various tricks and garden tools to release some of the fronds from the group to no avail. I put the dirt back in place, re-smoothed the mulch and said, "Not all good ideas are feasible." Yesterday's idea was both good and feasible yet ultimately useless. After a couple of hours of doubting my hearing and sanity it became obvious that yes indeed something was not only stuck in the furnace but it was managing to get into the cold air return portion. Both the cat and I could not be so crazy as to have imagined the same sounds at the exact same time. Well, FatCat may indeed be that crazy, but I've yet to get him to complete the Rorschach's test to prove it. It was decided that whatever it was must be a rodent since even a bird would chirp at least once. OlderBoy felt compelled to inform me as I was freaking out trying to figure out how to get it out and not have it disappear into the recesses of the basement that likely said rodent had already been in my basement. For days. Lovely. ( rodent trap )Sometimes good ideas that are feasible are still not enough.
This entry was originally posted at http://pj.dreamwidth.org/343700.html. Please comment here or there there using your LJ ID or OpenID. | |
|
| Anyone who thinks it doesn't exist needs to live a few moths inside of me. :p Anyway - what with the massive about of volatile situations in the past few weeks the stress of it all (both good and bad stress) I fell off preventative things. Bad me. Once I had quit smoking years ago (and I say years because even in the years on-the-way-to-none I was smoking so little my body thought I was not, only my addicted brain knew I was) I started being prone to canker sores. Bastard little things. But they seemed to cycle with hormones and various other abuses. About 18 months ago they decided they wanted to be a more prominent part of my life and I sought out home remedies on the internet and in the process found some preventative ones. I implemented 2 preventative and had 2 home remedies for the random ones that cropped up. As The Things piled on recently I slacked on the preventative and I stopped other helpful things like my daily multi-vitamin, my morning routine, etc. The times one needs to rely on the good habits the most are the times I fail. It is rare I feel overwhelmed by it all, but the times that I do, I fold. When they appeared for this round after having been near absent for 2 years I remembered the one remedy, but not the other for 4 days. Sadly that was too late to help. They started last mid-week ad hit a crescendo of epic proportions over the weekend. The hubster cooked what I asked for on Mother's day and then I couldn't eat it. Lovely, yes? Everyone else could eat it, though, and all were happy. I will keep the details (you're welcome), but they got worse, then a hair better Monday morning. Worse again by Monday night, but after an 11 hour workday that involves a lot of talking this did not surprise me. Tuesday morning was even a bit better than Monday morning had been, but still a lot of pain. I longed to eat something other than bread and not have to drink through a straw. Off I went to the local drug store and scanned their selection of canker sore items. I selected Zilactin-B because it creates a seal with allows healing and takes away the pain of eating. Yay! I coated my lips (I had the inner upper and lower lips, left side, because every bloody thing that breaks on me is the left side) and went outside to plant the lilac bush from the kids. i was amazed how the product numbed my lips so thoroughly they felt swollen like when the dentist uses novacaine. Oh, you know what is coming now don't you? Sealing the lip was Not a good idea. Horrible in fact. Four times normal size I kid you not. I even have a photo to prove it, but I am never posting that. When the manufacturer of the product says "seals", believe it. When they say "do not try to peel it off because it will damage tissue", believe that, too. When they say "add another coat to soften it and gently wipe with damp gauze to remove", do not believe that because it is a lie. I feel certain the stuff is awesome for a single normal hasn't been there a week canker sore, but am I ever gonna try it again? We'll see. People online swear by it. Except one person. *cough* It was a long debate in my head about seeing a doctor because the last time I did (10 years ago) I was given an anti-viral that did nothing. And told to take it at the first sign to shorten and prevent more. It did not do that, either. But .... ssssoooooo painful, so swollen, I took myself off to urgent care. Guess what?? They have a medicine out now for canker sores! And a nifty mouthwash that was exactly like the one home remedy of mine, but stronger and with the added bonus of lidocaine! And the best part - steroids. Gods bless the steroids! Not only do I get the swelling to go down, but I get the added bonus of my neck, back, hip and knee being pain free! *happy dance* This is only the second time I've had steroids, but I remember the long lasting effect on especially my neck. It is a shame the things are not good long term because one week of them every month and I'd be pain free for most of my life. Ah well, I shall enjoy this reprieve while it lasts. Today the lips are about normal. I still have enough soreness that I cannot eat normally, but enough improvement that I again have hope. I hope to not fold in my good habits ever again. This was the worst I'd had and I knew I wasn't just being a whiney baby about it when the doctor took a quick peek and said, "Wow, that must be really painful." They don't know what exactly causes them, but in those prone to them stress is a big trigger. That part I knew. And bless her for having scripts she could write to help! And hey, at least I didn't start smoking again because I know from experience that clears them up faster than anything. :p
This entry was originally posted at http://pj.dreamwidth.org/343533.html. Please comment here or there there using your LJ ID or OpenID. | |
|
| That the year to come is going to be even more intense than the year just prior. Silly me relegated that to offline life matters. o_O /idiot I may be posting a lot fewer words in the year to come. Or, I may wake up tomorrow and think I was just quite fatigued when I wrote this and go back to normal number of words. What I do know is that my brain is awfully tired and I need to restrain my fingers at times like these. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?I forgot my own rule. Fresh start tomorrow then.
This entry was originally posted at http://pj.dreamwidth.org/343138.html. Please comment here or there there using your LJ ID or OpenID. | |
|
| I reposted this almost 2 years ago when it was written. I'm doing so again because of the recent political events in this country concerning marriage equality and how it has opened those cracks in the woodwork once again. Here ya go:
elf (</a></b></a>![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.2) elf) wrote,
|
There's no shortage of blog posts and comments by Christians, saying, "please don't consider me to be one of those nasty icky bigoted unthinking fundamentalists." - "Christianity is much broader, deeper and richer than fundamentalism."[1]
- "I wish people wouldn't lump all Christians in the same group"[2]
- "There is a vile strain of Christianity, indeed, but there are caring, thoughtful moderate and progressive Christians out there - millions of them." [3]
- "I want it to be clear to you and your family that we do not all hate. We are not all bigots."[4]
I could quote more. (The roundup for this post turned up half a dozen more easily; I'm sure I could find more than that with a bit of work. Just plug "not all christians are" or "all christians aren't" into Google.) As if I couldn't tell them apart; as if I am incapable of noticing the difference between a kind and thoughtful person and one who spouts bigotry and oppression and quotes a book to support it. As if I hadn't noticed that the majority of Christians, like the majority of people in every other religion, are basically decent folks who want good pay and healthy families and a bit of fun & leisure on the side. As if I can't tell a mundane from a scholar from a wingnut. (Believe me, I know from wingnuts.) And on top of the insult to my basic perception abilities, there's the implication that I'm supposed to care which sub-sect they're allied with. That I'm supposed to keep track of the myriad varieties of Jesusites and sort out which official doctrines are bugfuck nutso (um, we can agree there are some of those, right?) and which ones are just somewhat pushy and which ones are openly tolerant of real diversity—and among those, which allow how much individual differences within the sect identification. As if it were my responsibility, as a non-Christian, to sort out which of the followers of J the C are rational and caring human beings, like their scripture tells them to be, and which ones are using the same scripture to justify hatred and slaughter. They want, they tell me (or my friends, or my allies, or people who share some of my beliefs) to be accepted for who they are. They want to be judged on their own merits, not lumped in with a bunch of bigots who get media attention 'cos they're rich and white and male. They want me to understand that they're "not like that." You know what I want? I want my kids to not be expected to attend school on the days of our religious services. I want strangers not to offer me the blessings of a deity I do not worship. I want members of my religion to be able to meet in public, anywhere in the US, without risking slashed tires, broken windows, and physical attacks. I want the freedom to answer questions about my religion without fear of reprisal, even if those questions come from children. I want judges to stop ruling that non-Christian influences are dangerous for children, and giving custody to the Christian parent. I want my president to stop reminding me that he doesn't represent my religion's needs or wants, that he is oblivious to my religion's truths. And that's just the basic, don't-want-to-live-in-fear wants. I don't dare let myself have wants that Christians can take for granted… the ability to walk into a random drugstore and find greeting cards with my religious symbols on them, libraries to stock books about my religion and treat them with respect, prayers of my faith offered by public officials in times of disaster, history classes that acknowledge the history and importance of my religion. The ability to move somewhere where all my neighbors will be of my religion, or at least, will not hate it. The ability to hang holiday decorations in my windows, or on my cubicle walls, without facing a barrage of annoying questions, much less vandalism. The pie-in-the-sky dream? The ability to have a public temple in a city of less than 100,000 people, where the government forms are handed out in seven languages--or in a rural area more than 10 miles from the nearest library. The ability for a dozen neighbors to pool their funds, buy a tiny plot of land, and build a religious services building they're pretty sure won't get burned down within a year. I don't expect any of those to happen. Not in my lifetime, and maybe not ever. My religion's weird, and there's never been a whole lot of public acceptance of weird. But I'd like to not have to hide my religious symbols under my shirt on the bus. And I'd like my kids to be free to attend our religious services when they're supposed to happen, not on the nearest JHVH-inspired holy day. So, umm. The "nice" Christians don't like getting backlash about fundies. They believe they are persecuted by more restrictive branches of Christianity. Maybe they are. But they're not lacking privilege because of it—not all persecutions break along privilege lines. They're not being oppressed even when they're being hated. And it is not. my. job. To figure out what kind of Christians are which, to figure out who belongs to what sect and where their individual beliefs lie. I'm big on individualism. REALLY big on it. Enough to override decades of experience that tells me that anyone wearing a cross is probably a danger to me and my family, or at the very least, a danger to my comfort. I don't *mind* the apologetics, exactly. They're a phase; Christians who are waking up to their privilege usually go through a stage of "OMG, I'm not like those people! I promise!" And what wakes them up, and what exactly they realize, is of interest to their friends. I am *endlessly* fascinated by all sorts of religious discussion, including the eternal "creation vs evolution" debate that I really can't understand as a dichotomy (I have no problems with both); I just don't have the energy to keep running on that hamster wheel. But being interesting & entertaining doesn't mean something is new and innovative. There's a good deal of Special Snowflakism in most "All Christians Are Not Like That" posts. And more in most comments on news blogs. Sometimes I'm amused by it. Sometimes I'm interested in a particular perspective. Sometimes, I seethe at the reminder that they have the safety to speak about their religious beliefs and practices, in public, without fear of reprisal. (Oh, I can speak up. I live in one of those aforementioned cities of over 100k people. Nobody cares what my religion is; I can dye my hair blue and wear black robes in public and nobody blinks. What I can't do, is safely move to a city ~100-300 miles away where the rent would be 1/3 of what we're paying, and be just as public.) I am never happy about the reminder of how *trapped* I am. | |
|
| No longer feeling it, the "poor Bill" thing. I get that some stranger left a VM on his cell phone alerting him to his email address being shared with someone he doesn't know. I even get being a bit spooked by that. I also understand the desire to change one's phone number because of it. However, I do not understand all of the proceeding and not changing one's email address, too. You know, just in case the crazy lady who left you a VM was telling the truth. *adds another gold star to page four of the chart denoting how many humans think I'm certifiable* Guess who got a new phone number? Guess who did not get a new email address? Guess what-other-who is refraining from calling 'poor' Bill and informing him of his obvious error in tones laced with sarcasm? It's a good thing I have the drop of kindness in me that I do. Bill is quite lucky Comcast didn't hook him behind the scenes with a nasty soul. Funnily, Bill has no idea how very lucky he is in that regard.
This entry was originally posted at http://pj.dreamwidth.org/342435.html. Please comment here or there there using your LJ ID or OpenID. | |
|
| An Unlikely Trio Stir the soil and wet the ground to await the root, stir the cauldron and scrape the sides to await the brew, stir the hairs and part the knees to await the seed. Beltane flickers, white side of the veil to Samhain's black, Amid the grays of the in-between The Ancients mix my blood, wash my marrow, and mend my flesh; In pewter folds of silk spun with gossamer thread The pulsing howls of orgasm echo the first wails of the newborn. Through Life comes Death comes Life again. Anubis to the left and Isis to the right, masks and breath and scales and wings; Embalming fluid in Cerridwen's cauldron, preserving not my body that grows then sags and disintegrates like old paper; but preserving my Self, that glows then sings, folds and unfolds; Origami of my Soul. The damp scented air releases names not quite spoken and barely heard, mute and blind the blade queries, Truth revealed in mirrors and glitter bombs. © Pamela V Jones Beltane 2012
This entry was originally posted at http://pj.dreamwidth.org/342176.html. Please comment here or there there using your LJ ID or OpenID. | |
|
| May it be everything you dream! | |
|
| I called Bill. Bill is smart. Bill keeps his phone turned off so weirdos from Pittsburgh don't call and say they've access to his private emails. :p I left a voicemail for him. I hope it was reasonably coherent, but with the sorta-here-and-not-here brain I've been having I have no idea if coherent is even on the table. Since I tend to tangent (look - tangent as a verb! All the teachers are now shuddering) I tried to be brief, but complete. And I did say he could call me back since I figure the number comes up as a missed call. Hhhmmm .... maybe it does not come up as a missed call if your phone is off? If not, then again - poor Bill. He'll feel stalked. Plus he sounded elderly so .... I hope to have not done harm. Had I been able to speak with him I feel certain I could have reassured him with my voice. Ah well. Let us hope this was my first good deed of the day and not my first bad one.
This entry was originally posted at http://pj.dreamwidth.org/342000.html. Please comment here or there there using your LJ ID or OpenID. | |
|
| Due to a bit of Comcast policy idiocy back when my mum died they would not let me switch the "official" name on the internet account even though I'd been paying it in my own name for, um, years. Yep. Weird. So when we moved here I was forced to pick an email address for my dead mum. The service rep said, "How about [....]?" Her first initial and my maiden name. Fine, whatever. I still got to keep my pj-a@comcast dot net. But of course I now had to maintain another one, the Official Account Holder one. La! Apparently Comcast has no check to make sure the email addy is not a duplicate because for years now I've been getting someone else's email. Let's call him Bill. We'll call him this because THAT'S HIS NAME. Which could be a middle name because on occasion he is Henry - which is historically a popular first name on my father's side of the family. I've received baby birth announcements, newborn photos, party invites, dinner date reminders, and paperless cell phone bills. Along with the assorted junk mail that Bill subscribes to. My guess is this guy just thinks Comcast *sucks* since he misses so much email or he and I both get the same things. I generally keep that email offline. Every couple of months I bring it online to let it download so it's not piling up on the server. Today's onslaught had messages from February. "Are we meeting at 5 for dinner?" quizzed Dave. Linda wants to know if Bill and Janet (a frequently cc'ed person wo sent baby pictures) have anything to add to Zac's resume. Today though - today I get an email notification from Verizon Wireless (why not? I used to get his bills. No, I didn't pay them.) telling my the transaction receipt in online for my recent purchase for cell phone number ###-###-####. Really.
Raise your hand if you think I should call him. I Googled the number. I know which of 3 counties in Maryland he lives in. And with a last name like my maiden name how many could there be in those 3 counties through a white page look up? *goes off to check* Exactly ONE. The associated people listed for him - Henry and Janet. Hahahahaha!
Poor BIll. He's no idea. At least I'm kind-hearted and not mucking up his life. Which really is a feat what with some of the racist Republican anti-Obama crap they've sent 'round to their family ties which had me this >< close to flaming the lot of them.
The internet mixed with business - your information is as safe as the corporate dumbasses handling it.
This entry was originally posted at http://pj.dreamwidth.org/341517.html. Please comment here or there there using your LJ ID or OpenID. | |
|
| my birthday. I take the day and do whatever I wish to do regardless of societal expectations. Sounds pretty simple and normal, yet for co-dependent me it is A Big Deal. Even on my birthdays I'd been working to make sure others were happy and comfortable. Not that doing such is always a bad thing, mind you, but sometimes it is good to just do with only yourself in mind and even when you do for others not to sacrifice Self in the process. Regardless of what some may tout no-one really likes a martyr. Anyhoo ... I got up early, messed around online, drank coffee and a cup of tea, made my smoothie. All the usual and customary stuff. I went for my park walk (bitter cold this morning - ugh). I cleaned the bathroom and started refreshing the grout lines in the floor. Yeah, I know, right? But it was what I felt like doing. I did some reading. I burnt Nag Champa and did my stretching. I played with the dog and pet the cat. Cleaned up a few dirty dishes, texted some folks. When the hubster asked if I wanted to go to dinner tonight instead of giving an instant yes since he must want to or he'd not have asked I told him I wanted to play it by ear and see how I felt after I did the things I wanted to do. I of course ran out of time before I ran out of things. *laugh* We did go to dinner - eggplant parmesan - yum! Then coven tonight! Family celebration is on the 21st. I'll be cooking the entree and it will be made with Love. They will bring sides and those items will also be made with Love. Funny isn't it how you can always taste the Love? It was a good good day. Perfectly spent as far as I'm concerned with no wasted moments yet no rushing about. I felt the Joy in my core and I let it expand up and out and run through my bones. I'd buried a bit of my Joy in the last six or so months with All The Things going on and I've been digging it out and letting it breathe again the past few weeks. I can't remember the last time I let it get partially buried like that. Years. It is one of the things that makes me recognizable as Me ~ no matter what bizarre and disturbing stuff gets thrown my way I have aways fallen back on my Joy. Yes, unearthing Joy. Happy Birthday to me. *smile*
This entry was originally posted at http://pj.dreamwidth.org/341419.html. Please comment here or there there using your LJ ID or OpenID. | |
|
| ![[personal profile]](http://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png) crowgirl13 posted this yesterday Library ~KI Press They looked like little pizzas keeping warm inside their cardboard boxes. But those were books in the oven. Books in the pantry too, pickled and canned, and cold, frothy ones in the fridge Books three deep in the shelves, of course. Books before and after dinner—aperitifs and sweets— and books a bit drunk on the way out the door. Emergency books in the trunk of the car. Dirty ones lying on the backseat floor. It was hard not to join them. Tom Jones chased me 'round the dining room table while Pamela locked herself in the china cabinet. Sense and Sensibility raised an eyebrow. I had to pee and there was Moby-Dick in the sink, pursuing the soap. A drunken anthology of modernists was smoking in the living room. Heart of Darkness crouched behind the bookends, waiting. The Chaucer stayed in its shelf and laughed and whispered under its breath. The world, it said. Sign here. | |
|
| Life is full yet peaceful. It's still rough for OlderBoy and GeckoGirl, but that takes time. Add in the BS of the first outpatient place and their exceedingly poor handling of the situation and it is understandable she has backslid a bit. Understandable and still sad. The Daughter is still amid the best months in years, PizzaMan is doing well and Grandboy has made good strides in remaining sane and appropriate. Oddly, YoungerBoy and PetalPrincess remain the most even keel of the young couples. Go figure. Four weeks to initiation, amidst color weeks weeks again and the results are far more inner than outer as it was last time around. First set of Reclaiming classes were full of lessons for the teachers (laugh) and learning each other's styles and preferences and it was good. And the sculpey project was so much fun, though I still must paint it. I've finished the bee book, just about done with _Truth or Dare_, I finished the _Gender and Transgender in Modern Paganism_ anthology and I get to beta a near final edit of a friend's first novel before it gets shopped out to publishers. The literary world is awesome to me. Working _The Twelve Wild Swans_ this calendar year in coven, running one section each between Sabbats while concentrating on the inner path work. On a personal level recently I'm drawing from an experience of about a year to 18 months ago. I was blessed to be in the presence of a person who simply by being himself allowed a me I rarely get to be ~ guard down, filters absent, serene and safe. I'm drawing up the memories of that to keep myself open and connecting. It is hard for me to hold myself open consistently, but it is necessary and important to the Work I wish to do. When I pull that feeling up I can feel my core settle in a rhythm that feeds me. Still fitting various forms of creativity into my life. It is worth making time for and so many things pull at my many sides, but .... things have been created! W00t! BagelDog is pleased to get walks and I'm getting my legs back. Stretching is being accomplished, teas are being had, (mostly) heathy food choices are being made. My body has been insisting on a lot more sleep recently which annoys me, but oh well, I expect it will settle out in time. Still excited about Witchcamp!
This entry was originally posted at http://pj.dreamwidth.org/340634.html. Please comment here or there there using your LJ ID or OpenID. | |
|
| Weird interesting things of having scoliosis. Looking at me it's not too noticeable if you're not looking for it. Plus it's a bit more pronounced at the moment as I've been super-slacker on my stretching. (Yes, I can hear you sigh. I see hear you over there.) Plus the newly acquired walking habit tightens up muscles that I'd previously promised never to use again. (Ok, I never really made that promise, but they assumed it due to lack of use. *cough*) So a n y w a y ... went for the mammogram. *squish squish turn turn squish* "Don't be alarmed if we call you back for a sonogram. Tissue this, can't tell that." Me: "Hokay!" *skips out the door so proud for doing my screening (10 years late, but hey)* Get the call back. No biggie, I am fine. (Ok, so for a few minutes while waiting for the second results I had an "oomph" moment because of what they saw, but even with that I was "whatever, if I have cancer I'll deal with it" and was pleased to not have to deal with it.) The call back was not for a sonogram, but what I've dubbed the "super-squish". They can call it whatthehellever they want, but trust me - super-squish is the better term. The machine is flipped 90º, one side and then the other. When she flipped it and had to raise the machine instead of merely flip it she got a quizzical look on her face. I said, "Oh. That's the scoliosis. One hip is higher than the other," and she nodded, understanding that sets everything off side-to-side all the way up. That incident gave me pause, though. The mirrors I've been avoiding got a good long look in. Lots of things go "off" when I let my back go too far out of whack. The swayback becomes more pronounced which pushes the belly. One would think vanity alone would keep me more mindful. *laugh* I was discussing it with a fellow scolios-er<---- is TOO a word - and we laughed, but still grumped about it. So I asked her the purse-on-the-shoulder question. Yup, that's the same with her, too. I thought I was just - I dunno, weird, incapable of doing something on both sides - something. I never thought to inquire before, so odd to ask, but reassuring to hear, "Yeah. Me, too." Regardless of weight, size of purse or strap. *whooshFLOOR!* Upside to it? What I called the nonchalant model pose of the first set of pictures (and the tech laughed and told me they call it the "Cleopatra" pose so I was close) was a piece of cake with one hip already higher. On the one side at least. *wink* I have six months before I go back for the next set of pictures so I'm going to see how much straighter I can get my back between now and then. Goals! I haz 'em! Woo-hoo!
This entry was originally posted at http://pj.dreamwidth.org/340274.html. Please comment here or there there using your LJ ID or OpenID. | |
|
| By Karen Langley, Post-Gazette Harrisburg Bureau / HARRISBURG -- Advocates for people with mental illness and intellectual disabilities filed a lawsuit on Wednesday claiming Gov. Tom Corbett and executive agencies violated state law by requesting too little funding for services. The governor has proposed combining funding for several public welfare programs, including services for mental illness and intellectual disabilities, into block grants for administration by the counties. The suit, filed in the Commonwealth Court of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia, also charges that this blending of funds violates the same law because it does not allocate money specifically for services for mental illness and intellectual disabilities. | |
|
| Balance. We talk so much about it on my Path. The need for it, the reasons for it. We teach the tools for it. We are often out of it. Perfect balance is pretty illusory and not really desired. The friction of lack of balance is what mobilizes change and growth. There is a tipping point where "out of balance" is painful. It pains the one who is and those around them. Sometimes it takes a long road's time to get back into balance. This past year has been that for me. Almost exactly a year, last February to this March. I've barely felt like myself at all. I didn't particularly like feeling this way, either. Living through it was hard hard hard and though I'm glad to be free of it I am grateful to have lived it. Some truly crazy making things occurred in this last year. We buried my FIL, a child got married, a sister got married, I separated from a public spiritual group I've been long involved in, there was more death, almost death, mental strife among family members and some scary medical things in me, in others. That is the short list. o_O I know, right? I finally feel like "me" again. I missed me SO much. Who was this creature I had become? Did I have to be her? Can't I be the old me mixed the new me and be different, at peace, and happy? Must I feel like a foreigner in my own skin? Apparently the answer was, "Yes, yes, and yes, you must." And when I came back into me, became what feels like myself again yet a different more balanced version of me I found that not only had I missed me so much, but I love me. Not the pretend say-the-words-hope-to-feel-them-someday love me, but deeply appreciate the Me that I am. It feels like it has happened in the last 2 weeks, this change, but it has been a year in process to get here with small sorting shifts this way and that way, hard focus on one thing then a rapid 180 to the opposite. I understand the pinball analogy quite well now. The final bounce, the finding of the perfect slot to fit in, and rest. I'll keep moving forward ever the unfinished product, but I'll be polishing me up, smoothing some edges and becoming more skillful. I no longer have even the tiniest desire to be other than who I am. Can you see the big grin? Can you feel my Joy? I knew you could. I have faith in you, always. *smile* Thanks to all who have stood by me this past year. Those who've hugged and loved me through it. Those who've wished me well from near and far, those who've held me in peace and patiently waited for the shift to sort down and take hold. I love you all.
This entry was originally posted at http://pj.dreamwidth.org/339876.html. Please comment here or there there using your LJ ID or OpenID. | |
|
| So many things. Oh NOEZ!!! All of the things!!!! And yet ... and yet, life is good. Part of why it is good is because there is life. In the midst of the strife, the death, the near death, the almost wasted of a human's potential - a long time love, the anger and hurt feelings, and massive fear as one walked the tightrope while stretching for their spouse, a young boy coming into his own - amidst all of this, there is Life. Also there are voices. Voices ribboned with Joy as covenants are made, rippling with laughter during shared tasks, carrying concern and tips wrapped in "hey this worked for me", covered in warmth during visiting hours. And Love. Always when I look around me - to family, to friends, to kin - there is Love. When I look beyond my tiny world and allow my vision to reach further than my door, my street, my town; I see the Love in so many people. People I barely know and those I do not know at all. Actions that reach further than their intended targets and weave through the hearts of the witnesses all around. Life. It is a good good thing. *smile*
This entry was originally posted at http://pj.dreamwidth.org/339625.html. Please comment here or there there using your LJ ID or OpenID. | |
|
| Last week I signed up for Witchcamp! *\0/* Go Me!! SpiralHeart Summer WitchcampCamp Intention: No matter what the future holds, we love fiercely, we embrace our challenges, we know our power. Awaken your sense of wonder. Step into your power. Play. Dance. Drum.
Explore your authentic self. July 21-28, 2012
Four Quarters Farm
Artemas, PA This year’s story is Psyche and Eros. Camp will be held at the Four Quarters InterFaith Sanctuary in southern Pennsylvania. Mornings are for Exploration. You’ll choose a path to concentrate upon from a variety of offerings, ranging from introductory to advanced skills-work. Your path facilitators, through a variety of methods, will assist your development of a deep connection with the Earth and your companions. Afternoons are for Reflection. You’ll be able to talk about what you’re experiencing with the members of your affinity group. You’ll hike through lush woodlands, or bask in the warming sun. And you’ll have opportunities to learn new skills and crafts. Evenings are for Celebration. You’ll join with the rest of the camp as we co-create a living, vibrant community through rich, deeply moving ritual planned by our ritual arc team, based on the week’s intention and sharing of the ongoing work from the various paths. | |
|
| Signal boost from elf pocketnaomi's post: The Underground Rail:Ms. Magazine ... talks about a woman who is facing criminal charges in Idaho for ordering an abortofascient drug over the Internet because she couldn't make the trip to the nearest clinic, several hours away. I live within a day trip of some parts of Idaho. I started thinking, "If I'd taken a weekend to do it, I could've gone and picked her up, I bet. Taken her there, brought her back." Jane: An Abortion ServiceA documentary film reveals the story of a secret women-run collective that took matters into their own hands when abortion was illegal and created a safe underground network in the Chicago area. Underground Rail song, performed by Lookingglass Folk; this inspired and named the project.Communities to discuss the project, logistics, gather support, and so on: [Bad username: underground_rail] and </a></b></a> ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif?v=92.2) undergroundrail (Join! Let's make this WORK!)ILU-486, a short story by Amanda Ching, which shows a chillingly plausible future.Summary: In the not-so-distant future of Virginia, the Personhood Act has outlawed abortion and chemical birth control. That doesn’t mean they don’t exist, though. And the Discordian counterpoint: got an AFA letter (I find their emails hilarious and uplifting; it's always a joy to discover that Home Depot is leading our children into debauchery) announcing their upcoming "Marriage America Conference," which said its purpose isTo educate, empower, and equip today’s leaders, churches, and parachurch organizations by creating a reservoir of knowledge, research, resources, support, and networking opportunities for marriage and family issues. I think that's exactly what the Underground Rail project is for! (Well, not limited to churches and religious orgs. But I encourage all the religious people I know to get involved.)This entry was originally posted at http://pj.dreamwidth.org/338926.html. Please comment here or there there using your LJ ID or OpenID. | |
|
|
